why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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