"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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