I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
