Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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