either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
