he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize