So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize