Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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