Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
