Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Panties = found
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
