Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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