I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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