I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
