i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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