I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
