okay pat passed out under dana's car
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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