I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
