fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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