Dude my mom stole all your condoms
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize