I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
