Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
