I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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