the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
