My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
