he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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