I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
