it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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