Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
