Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize