I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
