cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
