she looked like the before picture.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
