It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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