wanna go halves on a baby?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
