How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
