I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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