And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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