im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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