apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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