Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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