I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
