Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
