Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
