Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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