I didn't shave. On purpose
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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