I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
