I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MIDGETS
????
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
