I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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