You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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