I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
