so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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