i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sex in a hospital.. check
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
