I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
