are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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