you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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