I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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