Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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