i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
