On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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