Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i barfeds in our rink
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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