i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
