Its about making memories worth repressing
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
