Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
