I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
