Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
