The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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